The Mom Wars

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We have all heard of - and probably been (or will be at some point) a part of the mom wars; whether as the mom yourself, the husband/ significant other or the other person in the argument. In today's society, it seems like the media is pushing the separation of the moms out there as if having a unified force of women is a disaster waiting to happen- and i suppose it is.

Women of today are so busy trying to be the perfect mom and wife and woman that society keeps shoving down our throats that we have no time for ourselves let alone other women and valuable relationships, causes and cares.

Televisions earliest images of women were contented house wives and mothers. Women whose sole pleasures came from providing a life for her family. even when later the wife did work outside the home the husband and children always came first and the women were always perfectly coiffed with immaculate homes.

You never saw a toy out of place and a errant child was quickly turned around with a sound word or two. In todays media we see an entirely different view of motherhood- the battlefield. from even before one gets pregnant women are harked on about thee "vital" issues.

What will they eat? Wear? will you continue to work?
and I have been on both sides of all three arguments and the media plays a huge role in the animosity between loving mothers who all in the end only want whats best for their baby.

Why would the media care?

MONEY!
From the millions of books sold on how to do everything baby related to  talk shows, self help gurus and all around consumerism built around the my parenting is better than yours strategies the media is making a killing by making new moms feel like a failure no mature what choice they make.

From Scary to Slutty- Halloween Advertisements and the Media Monster

~Mean Girls

At younger and younger ages the idea of dressing in a slutty manner for Halloween is becoming the accepted norm. In movies and T.V. shows the idea of the slutty (insert something random here) costume has taken on a life of its own making everything from a pirate to a zombie into a sex symbol and selling that idea to a younger and younger audience every year.

~Idle Hands

We have all seen the movies where the teen girls are dressed in next to nothing are in "costume" and so its OK...not so much people! The girls in these movies are perpetuating the idea - along with the Halloween advertising and costuming websites that sell scraps of cloth and call them costumes that it is alright to look like a hooker waiting for her next John in the spirit of Good Fun...

~Night of the Demons 1988

Still most of these movies involve older teens at least- 15 or 16 and above- unfortunately the Costume industry doesn't feel the need to stay to even that low standard but insists on targeting not oly teens in slut-tacular hot messes but even younger audiences as well. 

This highly offensive ad was in the Spirit Halloween Store Tween Section. 

Some other truly terrifying costumes to make it onto their tween/teen pages are below. These are all available in 12/14 size- that's the size my 12 year old neighbor girl wears! My daughter will be in that size by next year and there is no way that any of these would pass the fingertips test- you remember ladies- if your fingertips didn't touch cloth it was too short? What happened to that here?

Swashbucklin Sass

Forest Bandit Tween

Blue Peacock Tween

None of these young (ahem) ladies can be more than 14 or 15 - at most.

And to really send the message home lets see what one little starlet is being for Halloween.

Noa Cyrus- Age 8

The media in both movies and advertising has sold teens for years on sexy costumes and now they are truly targeting our children as well.

Transgender Superhero SheZOW

SheZOW

The television network, The Hub has released  a new series for the superhero fans in kiddie land- but this superhero has some parents crying villainy. In SheZOW, the superhero is a heroine- except he isn't. 

The main character Guy ends up with a ring that was destined for his twin sister- that had been passed through the generations of their family turning the women into heroines- when Guy puts on the ring to annoy twin Kelly it fuses with him, giving him the responsibility  and kick- ass go-go boots as well!

Having pretty much taken his sister's birthright accidentally, the 12 year old slacker is now burdened with the struggles that accompany being a superhero- and one who has to pretend to be female as well. I have watched both episodes that has aired thus far on the hub and found them lighthearted and funny- my kids did too and I for one see no issue with a male character's alter-ego being female- there is no voice change, or facial or body changes to suggest any physical change- his costume is simply SHE-tabulous.

The American public is of mixed reviews however. The Christian activist group One Million Moms (more like 57,000 give or take on Facebook) writes, 

"Warning to all parents! This Saturday, June 1, the premiere of the transgender superhero show "SheZow" will air on Hub at 12:30 p.m. ET/11:30 a.m. CT/9:30 a.m. PT. The media is determined to pollute the minds of our children and there is no better way to desensitize them than through a cartoon program. Everyone knows children are drawn to animated shows; both boys and girls love superheroes. This character especially will appeal to both boys and girls since the superhero represents both genders by cross dressing and being transgendered. This dude becomes the FEMALE superhero SheZow dressed in pink and purple...This is just another attempt by the gay, lesbian and transgender community to indoctrinate our children into accepting their lifestyles." -One Million Moms

Other viewers and media considered it simply another form of entertainment and even a step in the right direction for getting kids to accept all kinds of people. Guy isn't transgendered, gay, or even a transvestite- he is a superhero whose costume happens to come with hot pink mini skirt and elbow gloves.

Still  others see it as a great leap in American culture- the show has been aired in both Australia and Canada without the Apocalypse occurring, I think we will be safe. 

 At the end of the day, perhaps no one has embraced more enthusiastically what SheZow could represent — and what the future heralds — than gay producer Howard Rosenman. 

"The unbridled creativity of our TV artists are pushing forward the mainstreaming of gender-bending media heroes and heroines," says Rosenman. "A boy wearing girls' clothes to fight villainy is beyond brilliant. Soon there will be no differences, on an equality basis, between genders. Just like Will & Graceprovided 'normal' contextualization of LGBTQ persons, SheZow too will provide 'normalization' to cross-dressers, transsexuals, FTMs, MTFs, transgender [people], queers, genderqueers, transvestites, drag queens, drag kings, girlfags, boydykes, and 'warrior princesses.' Thank trans- and cis-God!” -Advocate.com

Man or Monster in the Media

“It's poor judgment, … to call anything by a name. We don't know what a hobgoblin or a vampire or a troll is. Could be lots of things. You can't heave them into categories with labels and say they'll act one way or another. That'd be silly. They're people. People who do things. Yes, that's the way to put it. People who *do* things.” Ray Bradbury. In TrueBlood two of the main male characters, Bill, a vampire and Jason, a human, are shown and  comparable in many ways.  The idea of what makes a man can be seen in very different ways. Both are men, and therefore representative of the gender but what do their behaviors say about masculinity in general or theirs personally?

Bill is a vampire that was turned around the time of the civil war. He carries himself with a quiet dignity and old world charm. He seems very reliable and Sookie even says he seems much older during a walk because he is so serious and responsible acting. He is unruffled when Jason repeatedly tries to start fights with him and defuses the tension Jason’s immature behavior creates with quiet humor.

The beginning of this episode shows Sookie being beaten by two individuals who plan to kill her, Bill comes to her aid- ruthlessly attacking and knocking out the would be killers and then takes Sookie deep into the woods and saves her by selflessly giving her his blood. When she wakes he answers all her questions calmly and even tells her vampire secrets to appease her stress over what has occurred. He makes sure to walk her to her car after she is healed and then agrees to talk to her Grandmother’s reading group to make her happy- even though he is adamant over his dislike of war and the topic in general. He is a perfect gentleman in his actions with her.

When he goes to Gran’s house Jason is belligerent and rude but Bill conducts himself with charm and grace and even requests of Gran to take Sookie for a walk. When she asks, he is honest to her that he has killed the people who attacked her and fed on them before hand and that he had killed before at times. He is very upfront with her. Bill represents a type of masculinity not found in media or real life much these days it seems. He is sweet, honest, honorable and in my opinion the old world type of man- someone who can be relied upon and is upstanding and trustworthy- even though he is the “monster” vampire and is supposed to fit into the villain box.

Jason represents an entirely different type of man. He is the bold, brash, bring it on type of redneck man that it seems is applauded in today’s society. With his own actions he condemns himself to the role of idiot redneck from the beginning of the episode to the end. He is in jail in the beginning of the show being held because he is a suspect in a murder of a woman who he is caught on tape having very violent sex with and strangling her. Instead of trying to resuscitate her or calling 911 when he thinks he has killed her, he runs. He is let out because she was faking being dead to scare him (as shown after he leaves on the video) but immediately runs to another woman (an apparent “friend with benefits”) and uses the poor me play to get her into bed- where he is shown as not only a very violent lover- especially after seeing the vampire marks on her throat- as well as a narcissist- he watches himself as they are at it in the mirror.

Jason repeatedly acts in a rude, prejudiced manner towards Bill and talks back to his Grandmother as well. He is disrespectful to the women he is around and has a strong “better than you” attitude.  Jason acts like an out of control child. He drinks all the time and is loud, quick to anger and whiny  He uses the people around him without even noticing- such as the fact that Terra is head over heels in love with him and he doesn't even notice her. He tries to pull the “man of this family” card to control Sookie’s actions though he is immediately shut down.

Of the two men I would say they both represent very different types of masculinity- Bill is supposed to be the monster, heartless cold and using people but it is Jason who runs from woman to woman, barely acknowledges her death, once he knows he didn't murder her- except to use it to get into Dawn’s pants and acts like an ass to Bill simply for being different. Bill is a gentleman, kind, respectful and willing to do things for others that could hurt or upset him- such as giving Sookie his blood and secrets as well as talking about a past that visibly upsets him.

The Season of the Witches

When you think of witches in today's media there are two strong views that the industry has seemed to take- either that of the Evil Witch - dark, ugly,and misshapen or that of the Good Witch- always beautiful, or sexy, strong, and powerful. They are either black or white- with little or no room for wiggling. This represents the idea of females in my opinion- the idea that a woman who goes against societies norms are still seen as "bad" and that those who are sweet and play by the rules are "good".

For most of post-Christian history the witch was seen as an evil creature- the consort of the devil, one who poisoned, hexed, and degraded themselves and others for the sheer enjoyment of their "Master".

Today media is using the old fairy tales as new material and not always in the same old ways. The fear of the scary evil witch is still highly prominent in both society and in the media's portrayals. The most notable of would probably be the Wicked Witch- A woman who stands up to the stereotypes. 

In this the media has canonized the idea of the wicked witch- evil, ugly, and full of hate- as seen in movies like The Wizard of Oz. The Wicked Witch is the villain but it is her sister who has been killed and her shoes that are stolen. The underlying idea that her evilness makes her ugly and hateful is underlined by her opposite - Glinda the Good Witch. In the movie, Wicked is seen as horrid and Glinda- all sunshine and rainbows is seen as perfect.

WICKED WITCH: Looses Sister, shoes, and is set up by her country's government, and set up for assassination by the so called good guys.

GOOD WITCH: Knows how to get 

Dorthy home the entire time but

uses her to rid herself of a political

enemy while staying the sweet

good beautiful character.

In many movies it is this case. Another example can be seen in the new movie, The Great and Powerful Oz. When the witch goes from meek to really inhabiting her own emotions and anger she goes from a sweet innocent kitten-like woman to an ugly evil looking character.

 In television, we see the "Good Witch" seen in shows such as the comedy, Bewitched- where a mortal man falls for a witch and marries her then finds out. The humor comes from wacky characters from her family and she is seen as sweet, innocent and her spells and witchcraft wasn't ever anything that could be considered bad or evil. Samantha was portrayed as loving, ever patient, wise beyond her years and perfect in pretty much every other way. This show lasted eight seasons.

Another television show where the "good witches" seen as beautiful, wonderful, sweet and sexy is Charmed. A show that ran for eight seasons as well and followed the tale of four sisters who are hereditary witches and fight all manor of demons and other trouble. These four women were usually in sexy clothes, though later one became a mother and her wardrobe calmed a bit, but the sexy factor was definitely played up as well as the power factor.

Often their opponents were demons or other evils and were ugly- again plying the underlying idea that beautiful is inherently good and bad is ugly. The media is using the idea of witches as a representation of woman in general and the good ones are beautiful  powerful, sexy and what you want to be- the ones who run against the grain are old, ugly, and gnarled. 

There is a backlash in media now really taking the idea of the wicked as desirable.

The "Sin is Sexy" ideal is showing up more and more in images on places like Facebook and looking on Google you can see many ideas of "Sexy Witch" costumes and ideas. 

So once again the media has taken an idea- that of the witch- an evil old ugly hag casting spells and debauchery doing and turned it on its head in the hearts and minds of people with subtle influences. 

Many women see this as a great thing- the idea of a wise woman, a pagan or real witch being seen as old, ugly and evil or praying to Satan is idiotic at best since they don't believe in a Christian Satan, to a powerful woman is beneficial. Media's ideals on witches are changing the way that women are seen in an underlying way. 

Beautiful women are the good ones in media hype- the kind that you want to be and want to be around, so sayth the media. 

What do you think? Which witch was the evil one?

DISNEY PRINCESSES 

OR 

DO I REALLY WANT MY DAUGHTER TO ASPIRE TO BE A PRINCESS?

They look picture perfect, hair done, beautiful dresses and perfect bodies and they always get their man. Of course through their movie there are tragic moments- heartbreak, betrayal, and murder. I can't think of more than a handful of  Disney movies where a movie doesn't have a parent die a violent death, and yet the girls all come out roses and perfection on the other side.  Their hair might get messy and their dresses a little mussed on the way but none of them ever seem to really have a hard time to get through or a real defining moment where they are saving themselves rather than waiting for someone else to save them- or they are willing to go to really long lengths to get to a man... Not exactly a lesson I want MY daughters having ingrained into their little psyches.

I mean really if you look at it, the image really does say it all doesn't it? I want my daughters to be strong, independent women and each of the princesses are enslaved by the rules of a male-driven society and even their "princes" are liars, weirdos (let's kiss the dead chick; let's lie our ass off and hope she doesn't recognize me; let's hold her hostage until she gives in to Stockholm Syndrome)

Also not really teaching our son's too good of habits on how to treat our daughters either, huh?

BUT, I am not only looking at the cartoon princesses when I make my argument against Disney's Princess Program. Just look at the child stars that have gone from squeaky clean girls- ones you think are good role models for your girls to watch- the 90's had Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. All seemingly sweet and innocent Mickey Mouse Club girls who grew up and into some really bad messes.

We all know that songs like "Slave 4 U" by Britney was a blatant sex sells hit- she was dancing with a snake for heaven's sake... But did you ever really listen to the lyrics of the sugary sweet  lyrics of "Genie in a Bottle"? or another blatantly sexual "Dirrty" turned the nice girl next door role models into sex objects- and our girls were still their devoted fans hanging on every trend. Disney's little angels were running amok with our females firmly in tow. Britney turned to drugs, drinking, was in and out of facilities due to mental health issues and hard partying and Christina's life wasn't any more innocent. 

Today's generation is even worse- there are so many names out there- so many actresses that go from wonderful pretty girls on the Disney shows and movies we think are safe for our girls to be fans of- think Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, High School Musical, and Parent Trap to name a few. Child stars like Selena Gomez, Lindsay Lohan, Vanessa Hudgens, and of course Miley Cyrus have gone from good girls with cute spunky personalities and are well covered clothing-wise. Yet, as they get older we have skimpier outfits, more partying, drugs, DUIs and worse- and again these are the young women that our daughters emulate- the real life Disney Princesses.

                      

             

I'm sorry but I really don't want my daughters thinking-read  worshiping- (and lets face it pop media boarders on worship these days) - or that partying, drinking  drugs and multiple police encounters is acceptable or even normal behavior. Look at the spectacle that Lindsay Lohan has been making of herself for years now and yet we still watch her like a hawk, love everything she does and she JUST went on Oprah after a 6th stay in rehabilitation. 

Then there is good ol' Miley. At 15, Miley was dating 20 year old male model, Justin Gaston and of course in the same year was the notorious Vanity Fair shoot. Again Disney Princess gone bad...not something I want my daughter watching, singing, wearing, wanting to be like in any way shape or form.

           

So I look at the movie shelves in my house- I see Cinderella, Snow White and all the others and I question why I have all of them here. I don't have any of the new movies- not the live action ones- my youngest loved Brave and The Princess and the Frog, but I REFUSE to allow my kids to watch shows like Hannah Montana and they have never seen High School Musical (my girls are 10 and 5). They look blankly at you if you ask them who Lindsay Lohan or Miley Cyrus is and Wizards of Waverly Place was allowed until Selena started going south as well. Strangely enough, my daughters question the motives and actions of the princesses as well, anyway. My oldest was watching Beauty and the Beast with me and when the Beast lets Belle go and does his insanity imitation, she looked at me and asked very seriously why he was throwing a temper tantrum. With Snow White, she questions the weirdness of kissing a dead chick (her words)- needless to say she isn't much of a princess fan anyway.

In my opinion, whether it is the pressure of the environment more-so on the young women than the young men of the Disney world- and Hollywood in general- there is much more of a push to leave the "child princess" image behind and Disney turns a blind eye to it or perhaps endorses it- at some point when pretty much every female actress goes from good girl Disney princess starlet to young woman boarder line or worse let's say party girl... 

No, I think we will read Harry Potter or the Monster High series instead and watch cartoons from the 1980's and 1990's- when there were morals to the shows and the characters were fully dressed.

Illness as an Asset not a Disease

ILLNESS AS AN ASSET

NOT A DISEASE

In the media today if a male character has some sort of mental illness it is usually used as a sort of asset rather than the true life debilitating disease that these illnesses are- causing more misconceptions and stigmas than ever in real life. 

Men with mental illnesses have been lacking in the media unless their mental illness gives them some sort of an advantage. In dramatic shows like Perception or Dexter or Monk the main character- a man- has some mental illness but it is used as a character asset rather than a flaw. 

In Monk, his OCD- a debilitating disease ruining the lives of millions of people makes him a rather "super detective" because he notices every little detail- I am not saying that this can't be the case but the show takes a serious mental illness and places it in a tidy little box of look how amazing and it is -he is a wonder.The fact that the character has this disease is touched on and the main source of conflict but it isn't treated or managed and there isn't any sort of stigma removal to be found. 

In Perception, another television drama, the main character, Danial is a professor who also has Schizophrenia- in this drama his hallucinations  he refuses to take medications or treatments- often assist his possessing of the crime scenes he works with the FBI. Again, this media image gives a terrible view of a mental illness- while truthfully I love the show and am an avid watcher myself, I find that looking at in context his disease is being used again as a sort of "added power" and not as a debilitating illness at all- though I will give there are some episodes that touch on his inward struggle with his decision to not medicate and a large part of the show's dynamic comes from his lack of social skill-set and mental illness it is still a very flawed and rosy view of a dark and ugly disease.

In Dexter, the main character is a sociopath who kills on a moral code. He has a terrible tragic history leaving him mentally ill and instead of his father getting him counseling  hello??? the man teaches him how to be the perfect killer instead. OKKKKKK...

Now, I love Dexter- it is rife with twists and turns and draws you in and his character development is amazing- BUT he is still an anti-hero with a disease that is used as a prop for a story line.

Some other shows where the main male character has a mental illness are shows like Prison Break where the Micheal plans several elaborate plots and uncovers schemes left and right due to a condition called Low Latent Inhibition- a condition where he processes every aspect of everything he sees- literally breaking apart in his mind everything he sees daily. He then transposed his plan into an amazing work of tattoo art and gets it placed on his body.

What you don't see in the media are the every day men who fight a battle just to get out of bed- who battle OCD and PTSD and a number of other mental illnesses and are the true heroes these men don't fit into tidy character boxes. We are shown characters with one illness that they seem to magically overcome or use to their advantage- and don't get me wrong- many men (and women-myself included) live very full lives with multiple mental illnesses; but they are not the stuff of movie magic they are made out to be in the pictures. 

We are being spoon fed ideas about mental health and the overlying idea it seems is that a man should be able to use it to his advantage or at least get over it.